Blog-blogan

Just last week we had the ‘Earth hour’ where yes we turned off our lights hoping that that would lessen the heat that’s warming up this planet’s surface. The next day Topi sent me an sms inviting me to participate in the ‘Air hour’ where we are supposed to hold our breath for a whole hour to try and increase the oxygen around. hahaha! good one!

learn more about it and start being conscious of your carbon footprint, spread the word, and maybe we won’t have to hold our breaths for hours without end after all.

Follow this link if you still care where this country is heading to:

http://vicissitude-decidido.blogspot.com/2008/12/world-is-fucked-up.html

mindless politicians in power, and here’s one proof. if you know this mayor and you’re one amongst the many who put him on his seat, you might need to retrace your steps. let him know that thousands and more are finding out what he has done. Repost this and let more people know. that’s the least we can do to help and show that we as a people know what’s right from wrong. And lets all pray that justice will be served.

on my way out again, I suddenly realize as I was waiting in line at the airport that this has become so mechanical for me. There’s still a tinge of excitement whenever I leave though I can’t help but compare myself to those seasoned colleagues I see at the hotels we check in on, the ones who always seem too bored to go anywhere else but onboard. I would like to be as excited as I used to be again, it’s just that it’s getting harder and harder to leave home as time goes. The more I see my friends getting more rooted locally the more i want to consider staying home. Although I know I cannot do that, and I’ve wanted to be an AV for the longest time and now that it’s here I don’t want to waste it, It’s just funny, as I was telling the vhaklers the other night that the more I travel and see the world the more I kinda prove to myself that it’s not really the places themselves that make your experiences in them special, it’s more of the actual circumstances that lead you there and the people you are with. I would dread being under the shadow of the Eiffel tower with no one’s hand to hold. Haaay…

The word for my day today is ‘ENVY’. I just watched ‘The Other Boleyn Girl’- natalie Portman, Scarlett Johanson— enough said! ( a good character driven movie though, you just end up loving both girls) and then I watched a rerun of Project Runway Season 1 where they asked the designers to make something while thinking of the same word, but then Varoon sent me back the video I posted the other day and it brought me back to our Rajasthan trip… if anything I truly envy Indians for having such a rich heritage that boasts off castles, forts and all these elaborate dresses,a rich saturated culture… and us Filipinos, we have …. hmmm… well we have breathtaking beaches,  a bustling cosmopolitan that can rival other developing countries’ cities, more beaches…maybe that’s it. Any ancient structure my ancestors could have made were destroyed by the Spaniards when they came all in the name of conquest. How I wish I’m remotely related to someone like Anne Boleyn who spent life in a Royal court, or maybe even a descendant of Aakbar and maybe legally own a room in the Agra fort. But still I believe that though we might have our dark confused past I’m glad I belong to a people that thrives on optimism, that we collectively believe in a bright future that’s coming our way after everything we’ve been through… and that, of all things,  is envyworthy. Hey I’m still patriotic after all… Ayrin…. Panatang Makabayan Iniibig ko ang Pilipinas…

I am in denial…. Pero sige, aaminin ko na, I dread leaving the house tomorrow. Tomorrow would officially signal the start of the end. Bukas na ang aking medical, which means konti na lang at ayan na naman lalarga na naman ako sa kung saang lupalop ng mundo. I wouldn’t mind kung gagala lang talaga ako at my own will, kaso syempre mahal na ang bigas, kailangan nang magtrabaho. I used to sit around the house before, dreaming of going off to farflung places, pero ngayon na mas matagal pa ang nilalagi ko sa ere at sa dagat kaysa sa lupa, parang syet teka lang may I stay longer?

Ang saya din ng bakasyon na to, ang tagal!!! Andami kong nakita at natutunan. Marunong na ko gumawa ng chapati… as in old school sa Tandoori, at pagnagkamali pwede ring pambalot ng turon. Met new friends, hugged some old ones. Kailangan ko nga lang makipagkita pa sa mas maraming old friends, parang ang konti masyado ng oras, ano bang nangyayari? Sino na naman bang naglalaro ng remote control Lord?! But all is well, Panibago na namang pakikipagsapalaran ni Angge. Gusto kong bigyan ng apelido si Angge… what if Manukdok? Hmmmm… happy yon. May I say fierce!!! Si Angge kasi has traveled a long way to get to wherever she is in life at at peace sya sa mga chorvang kalokohang pinaggagagawa nya, for that haharap sya kay Tyra para sabihan ng "Congratulations, you’re still in the running towards becoming America’s Next Top Model!" Pasok!!!

Sana maka-survive ako sa three month probation, sana di masyadong masira ulo ko sa sadness, ok lang na konti pero wag lang sobra. Sana umabot ako sa kasal ni Rhina sa December, Sana maging Naima rin ang size ko by then para kabugin ko sya sa runway, I mean sa aisle, hehehe, sana ma-escortan ako ni varoon, Sana makabalik kami sa India, sa Goa in particular na ang saya-saya ( Sana matapos ko na yung memoirs ko ng India trip na ang hirap nang gawin kasi na-overwhelm na ko kaya ieedit ko na lang ang video) At sana hwag masyadong harsh ang medical bukas… Oh well!

Day 6-7

Jaisalmer

           On the sixth day we got out of our Bikaner hotel a little  after 9am which is bad considering that on our itinerary we should be out of there by 6am. We had an 8 hour drive ahead of us to Jaisalmer. This next stop was probably the closest we’ll ever get to Pakistan, it is indeed of mostly dry terrain, and as we drive further and further away I can actually feel the air sucking water away from my body, if you ever embark on a journey like this always bring a big bottle of water, dehydration is very common, especially for us Filipinos who are so used to humid air. The air out in the desert in anything BUT ‘humid’. Varoon has become significantly darker in the past few days, and it’s all by just sitting in the car without sunscreen on. During the drive that day as I was typing away the first part of this blog I almost had a freak out moment when we stopped on the side of the road because of a flat tire. We had the same flat tire the first day in Agra, but it was fine since it’s a very populated city, and we only had to fix the same tire in a nearby vulcanizing shop. But out here I didn’t see anything for a good kilometer and these guys kinda gave me the impression that we were not carrying a spare tire, this is one scenario you wouldn’t wanna get caught in. But Gopal sure enough took out that spare tire out of our tiny back compartment and we were on the road again stopping at a vulcanizing shop about 2kms. away. While there, people knocked on our windows and asked for pens, I gave one lady a pen which hardly had any ink left, she took it. Funny enough when i asked Varoon what they’d do with pens he said ‘they wouldn’t have any idea either, it just fascinates them but people out here hardly use pens cause they hardly write anything.
        After a looong dry ride, we’ve reached Jaisalmer eventually, It’s like Jerusalem really, I don’t feel like I’m in India anymore but somewhere else like in Kabul probably, And to think that I am also reading ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ by Khaled Hosseini it sort of added to the Middle Eastern effect. But we are downright in the middle of the desert. Arid vegetation, block houses that could withstand the harsh desert wind, we are like just a hundred kilometers away from Pakistan by now, we could hear fighter jet planes hovering above us from time to time. Looking up yonder you see a big fortress built high up on a hill overlooking the city, a true mark of Rajasthani civilization, then you know that you are still in India indeed.
           We were debating on whether to do a desert safari on the same day, this would be Jaisalmer’s main attraction. The initial offer threw us off a little since they wanted to charge us Rs1000 each for the whole safari which will last about 5hrs. It is relatively cheap but also relatively expensive considering that we’ve seen a lot of attractions for a way cheaper price than that, and with all the eating and tipping and shopping we’ve been doing we wanted to strap onto our cash a little tighter so we decided to think about the safari a little longer, anyway we are spending two nights in Jaisalmer so we had time. That first night we went to Sunset point which was just within the city. There we had a nice wide vista of the area and a spectacular view of the sunset in the desert among the ruins. A lot of people were there to see the sight and as soon as the sun was gone everyone flocked out as it became dark real quick.
           Gopal took us to a village nearby where there was a family that made silver jewelry. It’s a seemingly small house and by the doorstep you can actually see one old man creating jewelry. We were invited by the owner upstairs where we can view his collection. It is as if a tradition that Indian salesmen would have a well lit room that had a mattress laid out on the floor and he would be sitting on that mattress as prospective buyers sit around and the merchant spreads out his wares to be properly inspected. They’ve been doing this since we started our shopping exploits in Agra, some would even have complex light set ups just to show how some saris change color in different lights. With the silver merchant he gave us a tin tray to put any trinket we feel interested on and then he starts to spread his jewelries on the mattress before us. Tons of stuff, rings, earrings, chunky necklaces, even antiques in silver worthy enough of a pirate’s loot. But it costs real money. We ended up buying two rings and two pairs of earrings. There goes strapping on to our money tight enough.
           On the next day, still in Jaisalmer, we first went off to a village that had a lot of havellis in good condition. By the end of this trip I’ve seen enough havellis for one lifetime. We were lead to a small shop run by a very thin ‘ate’ who sold all kinds of rajasthani bags and trinkets, I swear she reminds me of Angel Aquino, but with crooked teeth and mehandi on her arms. I got six bags from her and she gave me a scarf as a gift and a set of bihndi, she even put one on my forehead.
           We went to the city fortress, I refuse to go inside another museum or hire another non-English speaking guide. So we just walked around mini shopping and eating ice cream. By now we see more tourists our age hovering around. You can actually gauge how long a tourist has been in India by what they are wearing. Like for instance I was wearing jeans and a blouse on our first day in Agra, by now I am wearing Indian pants called shalvar with my favorite brown blouse and a scarf around my neck… I’ve just been recently Indianized. We checked out other safari rates and we actually found one that was just Rs500 each, Thank goodness for stinginess. So we had it set, this night we were going on a safari.
        We managed to get a full hour’s rest back in the hotel. we had to just finish the cricket match on TV of India against Australia which the guys caught in a nearby pharmacy… note: Cricket is a BIG deal for Indians, a good thing India won otherwise I’d be with two very cranky Indians on the road. It was another 50 kms. drive from the city proper into the desert. You can see how vast this desert stretches out to. Varoon said looking at the cacti and bushes that maybe the desert was an ocean before, that’s why its vegetation look more like corals, maybe that’s why it has sand everywhere. Hmm…maybe. We reached the guest house, there we were welcomed by the Camel handler, we were helped up onto our camel ‘bablu’ and off we go… about 3kms. one way, we had a shorter camel ride when we were in Choki Dani, this time it’s  the real deal, camels are very sturdy animals but on them it’s a different story. Though you really feel like a member of a caravan as you sway on top one. Finally we saw the sand dunes. Our camel started panting a little on our ascent to the sand dunes, but he made it. And we made it just in time to sit back and watch another splendid sunset in the desert. A lot of people were there, Indians, foreigners, young desert boys selling sodas for Rs20 a pop, hmmm…. Sand dunes are cool, you can almost swear you’ll see the scorpion king emerge from one of them, and this was where Ayrin and Cocoy should have shot their thesis. After sunset everybody hopped back to their camels for a night of hearty veggie feasts and folk dancing. This time bablu was galloping just so we reach our destination fast. We got back to our safari guest house where the village performers sang poems, old songs and danced the night away, there was this cavalier dance performed by a girl, she would pick up a needle, a blade, and a ring with her eyelids. You may not believe it but she did, and she was all giggly about it too, they probably do that as a girly game in their village like chinese garter or piko. The main star was a guy who danced with a tower of clay pots on his head. At the end of their performance they picked out people from the audience and danced with them, I got to dance with all of them hehehe. Ok enough said.
          Gopal was a little drunk on our drive back to our hotel, we were skidding off the road numerous times and it scared the hell out of me and Varoon because there was no light on the road and we seem to be the only car for miles, but we dare not tell Gopal about it so we just quietly held hands and with our other free hands we held onto the handles by the backseat ceiling… so that’s what it was for. We made it to the hotel. Thank goodness. It’s been a long day our asses hurt from the camel ride and our hands numb from gripping too tight. But all in all it had been an awesome day.
               

Day 1-5
Agra- Jaipur- Mandawa- Bikaner, Rajasthan India

So I thought I would be able to have an updated day to day blog of this 10 day journey we have around Rajasthan, but this place is so majestic that you cannot help but immerse yourself fully in the experience thus you forget about everything you’ve left behind in the city, the smog, internet and blogs, and instead bask in the splendor that is Rajasthan, the ancient land of the kings with its bright colorful saris, enormous monuments, numerous veggie meals, hot chai, wonderful havelis… the list goes on and on. The region is so vast  it has terrain that spans from  the mountain ranges down to the arid desert, It can easily be compared to the whole island of Luzon.

Day 1
  Our first stop was Agra, we set out from Delhi early morning meeting up with Gopal, our cab driver/tour guide hired by our tour coordinator to take us around Rajasthan in his cab, he knows where all the hotels we’re booked on are and where all the monuments, restaurants and even pit stops that serve hot chai would be, it’s a convenient and affordable way of seeing India. We’d be driving through the region most of the time during the day, drive times ranging from three hours up to almost nine hours at a time, So it’s best to get comfy on the backseat.
   The first monument we went to was the Agra fort. It was HUGE! ( and Hugeness apparently is a common adjective among Indian fortresses) The fort is about a stone throw away from The Taj Mahal, This Fort I believe was founded by Mogul king Aakbar. Right now in India there’s this big movie ‘Joddha Aakbar’ starring Aishwarya Rai Bachan and Rheetik Roshan, it’s about this same king and his first wife, a Hindi named Joddha, Apparently this king had three wives, A hindi, a muslim, and a Judeo Christian. These were all relevant since parts of the Agra fort have architecture and designs created to mainly please all three wives, not to mention the 5,000 concubines he kept in his harem. The palace have parts made out of red stone, white luminous marble, limestone, even mirrors. You can just imagine how a day in the court life must have been.  I bet everything that embellished the rooms had dizzying mogul designs typical of Rajasthan, carpets, curtains… everything! The grandson of Aakbar is the same king who made the Taj Mahal, he fell madly in love with his third wife, a Persian, who bore him 14 children within the 18 years they were married ( she died of childbirth on the 14th child… figures!) The king wished to fulfill his queen’s three wishes which includes the creation of her great mausoleum which we all know now as the Taj Mahal, second one was that he never marry again and third was to make their first son as the next king… the third one got him in trouble, there was an upheaval in the palace and another son killed everyone else and locked this king up in a room inside the fort where he spent the rest of his life staring out towards the Taj Mahal, which was just beyond a river from the fort.
  The highlight of this stop was when we got to coerce a caretaker, with the help of our hired local guide of course, to let us in one of the better preserved rooms which belonged to a queen. It’s a closed off section that only VIPs are allowed to see, it’s cordoned off from the regular palace tour route. Inside the room  had thousands of small mirrors on the walls and ceiling. First it was totally dark, there were only four of us in the room, me, Varoon, the caretaker and the guide. Then the caretaker lights up two candles and holds it up to the ceiling, it seems as if stars burst into sight. The candle light is reflected onto the of pieces of mirrors. It’s like we were sucked back in time as we watched amazed by the play of lights. Imagine how it would have been like at those times, while everyone had to tolerate darkness, this queen had her very own planetarium in her room.
  The next stop was the Taj Mahal, it was just sheer beauty. It’s made of luminous marble, you can tell by probably holding your cellphone near the wall and for sure you’ll see the light pass through it. It’s huge considering that it’s simply a mausoleum, but it could easily be someone’s palace. On both sides of it are temples made of red stone. I don’t believe there would be any shortage of people wanting to see this monument, the only thing is that I as a foreigner had to pay more than 500 rupees where as an Indian national you only have to pay 20 rupees, like any other monument around here which has separate fees, and if ever you’d come to this place make sure to visit the Taj first before the Agra fort cause you get a discount if you do it that way, not the other way around like how we did. Video cameras are not allowed inside the premises of the Taj, you can only take it up to the front platform facing the monument, then before you can approach you have to leave your videocam in their lockers. But this is definitely worth it, I ended up buying a miniature Taj myself made out of white marble. That’s how amazed I was, or maybe I’m just that gullible.

Day 2
  Next stop was Jaipur, but before that we went to ‘Fahtipur Sikrhi’, which was still in Agra,  Another one of Aakbar’s creations. We hired a young local boy to be our guide. This place is again HUGE! Basically made out of Red stone. But this one is made basically for the Baba, a wiseman, who prophesied  the coming of Aakbar’s first son. it’s mostly in ruins now but it’s still owned by the descendants of the same Baba, and there’s still a real temple running and honouring his remains . There are countless tombs and secret pathways. The place was also lined with endless red hallways, There are still some chandeliers hanging on the ceiling , one of them used to be covered with gold but then the British came took it down replaced all the gold with bronze and put it back on again as if no one would ever notice the difference.
  So off we went for Jaipur. Here we spent 2 nights. The first night we went to a place called Choki Dani which is basically a restaurant that has all cultural features you can walk through while you wait to get really hungry for veggies. There are blacksmiths, magicians, gypsy dancers, puppeteers, and even a camel ride for the brave. When we got hungry we went inside a huge clay building that had pillows and low tables positioned in long rows. we sat on one corner, all the utensils were made of baked leaves. Rajasthani clad boys come with bronze and silver pots giving you unlimited helpings of all the veggie dish they have, it’s not as spicy as usual, or maybe I’m just getting too used to it, You have unlimited roti and another smaller roti. I first doubted I could get full with the food but soon enough I was already begging off the second helpings they offered me. Now I understand how people can actually live their whole life without eating meat. But I’m still a fan of the great Burger Mac.

Day 3
       The next day we went to the Amber palace in the Amber City which was within old Jaipur which was also known as the pink city. Amber palace again is HUGE! Not to mention steep. It’s situated in the middle of a mountain range, and you can actually see something like the Great wall of China surrounding the fortress. You have a choice of whether walking up the hill to the fortress or riding these huge elephants for hire that walk up and down the hill effortlessly, it costs 500 rupees one way, we chose to walk, it saved us money for shopping but the big downside was that you’d have to walk amongst ten elephants at a time and if its not enough that you can be  pounded to the ground easily  by these giants you also have to avoid the big dump these big fellas leave on the road. After some time these elephants didn’t seem so cute to me anymore.
  I kinda wondered whether its name, Amber, had something to do with it’s color which is yellowish and kinda reminds me of the stone with the same name. But turns out that it was named from a goddess that the ancient city dwellers worshipped, maybe the color just came in as an afterthought. The raja that made the palace within the fortress, again like any typical Indian king, was into frills. He had a summer room that had good ventilation to ward off the summer’s heat and another winter room that amazingly resembles the mirror room from the Agra fort. It had thousands of mirrors wall to wall, ceiling to ceiling. It looked wonderful at daylight. I can only imagine how it looks like at night. And the same king had twelve wives which he managed to make twelve apartments for in the palace cleverly designed so that he can visit any one of them without being detected by the others… the ultimate Manoy of those days. We finished the tour by going through a tunnel which was used for the prisoners back then. It was just recently discovered by archaeologists and the place being in a state of restoration at the moment I guess have much more secrets to be revealed. I imagine they can make a huge six star casino hotel out of the place, like the Atlantis in Nassau Bahamas, who knows maybe the Hiltons can strike a deal with the Indian government and totally pimp up the whole place… hehehe.
               So we took some needed break in our hotel,  which was basically an old guest house restored for bed and breakfast, when night came we went back to old Jaipur for some much awaited shopping. India is the motherland of haggling, these Indians are known worldwide as clever merchants, but the good thing about having an Indian boyfriend  is that they know how to deal with Indian salesmen. I just basically tell him what I like he approaches the salesman as I sit back, relax and watch how the masters do it. Imagine I got three sandals, pretty ones with all the bling-bling sequined on it, for just Rs 125 a piece brought down from Rs200, which was already reasonable enough considering that they are of good quality and they can easily be sold in a Greenhills Tiangge for at least P500 a pair. We found bedsheets with beautiful Mogul and Hindi designs for just RS 150 for a double sized bed, hand sewn comforters for just RS 180. We found Shalvars and Kurtas, A set of Rajasthani puppets for just Rs50— that sucks because we’ve already bought a pair in  Amber for freaking RS200 not knowing we were being ripped off big time! Anyway we had everything we needed and more I guess, we headed for some good old streetfood  binge. Gopal found us a nice spot, he lives in Jaipur so he knows the place like the back of his hand. We first had Golgappa made out of puffs that have a little stuffing inside and is dipped into a light vinegar sauce and you eat it in one gulp, then we had some Phelpuri, a mix of  blanched tomatoes rice puffs and all other undecipherable stuff served in a small paper plate.  Then the main meal was a Dosal, it’s basically a variation of the roti more common in south India, this one is as big as a cauldron’s surface, it’s rolled up and has a sweet-spicy potato stuffing inside which you dip in either a curry sauce or a coconut yoghurt dip. We had our fill and went back to the hotel for a much needed rest.

Day 4
  This day started off slowly, we got out of the hotel pretty late, around 10:30 AM. There was about a four hour drive  to Mandawa that laid ahead of us. Just the usual trek I guess. Overcrowded three-wheeled autos, Over-speeding ten wheeler trucks overtaking slower cars, cows, camels, goats, donkeys, more cows… By now we can see the terrain change from green mountains to  arid sand dunes as we slowly approach the Pakistan border… yes the Middle east. We were surprised, after about a couple of hours of hardly seeing anyone on the road ,  to see Mandawa which was a seemingly ancient village that had a sprawled out market with a lot of people, even tourists and nice big buildings. We were even more surprised to see the hotel we were staying on for the night. The Mandawa Heritage Hotel, it’s an actual haveli, an old Indian mansion, beautifully preserved and restored as a hotel, the walls inside and out were painted with nice Hindi murals that depict Krishna’s exploits and other Hindi scenes. I felt like we’ve actually struck gold, as if for this stop we actually get to stay inside an actual ancient Indian palace. And our room was nice too… HUGE! there wasn’t a TV set though but then again they feature nightly cultural shows on the atrium outside our room so that would cover for our entertainment. We took a walk outside to check out other not so well preserved havellis in the village, saw a huge antique collection from one of the owners, A Hindi temple along the village’s main road. Our guide which was also our hotel’s manager invited us for chai in front of the temple. we sat for a while … made tambay with the boys and watched donkeys walking up and down the road. After the walk we still can’t get over how beautiful the havelli is. We had a nice authentic Indian massage come nightfall and of course another full veggie meal from the hotel itself. By morning Varoon and I were discussing how much it would cost to buy a havelli around this place so we could restore it as a bed and breakfast, how much? well, too much!

Day 5
  We got out of Mandawa a little earlier than our departure from Jaipur. Again the long road laid ahead of us.  The terrain to Bikaner is mostly dry, more sand dunes, more bushes… yup, we are definitely in the desert now. The drive is about five hours, Varoon found a way of amusing himself by switching with Gopal and getting a taste of the countryside drive, I also asked if I can drive but of course he said no. See Indians are probably the worst and best drivers in the world. Their cars are so small that they find sport in weaving through traffic, but the roads are too narrow that it always seems a matter of life and death to get back on your lane, and on the open road like this they cannot stand waiting behind a slow truck so overtaking is the norm. I rarely would like to keep my eyes on the road since every now and then I see a huge truck coming straight at us and Gopal would swerve  just in time to safety,  and it’s so normal for both of my companions that i find it futile by now to complain or even gasp about  it.  So it was actually yesterday that I started on this long blog to kill time and keep me from gasping on the road.
   Bikaner is a slow city, maybe the fact that we were there on a Sunday added to that effect. We had a wonderful lunch in the hotel, we haven’t eaten any meat for a couple of days by now, there wasn’t any served, I’ve already started to think ill of all the stray cows roaming around the road. Imagine these cows would probably feed half of the Indian hungry population if only they’d start seeing them as potential meat patties, but then culture and religion run thick in the veins of Indians especially people from the countryside that the whole cow population in the country can rest assured that they can walk around everywhere without being harmed. Varoon introduced me to a new dish called  ‘navratan korma’ it had cashew, and raisins in creamy curry sauce, where you dip a butttered roti. It was so wonderful it sure stopped me from bad mouthing cows for some time.
   They had a fort called Junagarh Fort,  Another eccentric palace of yet another eccentric rajah, The descendants of this rajah are still very much alive and are enjoying  a lavish lifestyle, they opened up the palace as a museum of their granddaddy’s exploits and  opulence. There are rooms that still have thrones on it. A room that still have gold paint on the ceiling. A huge hall that could easily have been a ballroom in those times. We went back to the hotel trying not to sleep for too long … but we did so we ended the night watching a singing competition Dhoom Macha De on TV ’til we got back to sleeping again.

You can never love a broken person enough to fix him.

So I have been here for some time now… Actually it’s exactly been one week today. I miss hotdogs and plain rice. It’s true what they say everything here is spiced up. They could easily make a shrine for chilli at the heart of the city. My tongue is cursing me for the abuse it’s had lately. Even rice has something in it. But it’s an acquired taste as they say and I’m expecting to be so used to it by the time I leave. They’re more into mutton (goat meat) than pork…. I miss pork.

Amidst the throng of people, rickshaws. small cars honking at everything they see, and the endless dust (there’s so much dust here in Delhi it being so close to the desert and there’s hardly any rain that comes) It’s still an experience of a lifetime. We would drive to Connaught place and would see three Hindu weddings taking place along the way. We’d see the gypsies’ tents built on the side of the road where people in their colorful yet heavily dusted saris  line up the sidewalk doing practically nothing.

One time after a small drink in Connaught Place with varoon’s friends a eunich came at me, speaking in hindi, which is still gibberish to me, he or she asked me for something, Varoon’s friends whisked me away from ‘it’– Eunichs are unfortunate street boys whose genitals had been cut off at a young age and had been trained by a sort of gangster to beg in the streets, but they won’t look like beggars at all, they’d be dressed in sparkling women’s saris and full jewelery even make up on their faces as if they are off to a shadi (wedding). It’s supposed to have already been outlawed but still you can see them on busy streets in Delhi.

The streets are always busy though, there’s ceaseless honking, and varoon’s house being right next to a main road I have no choice but to get used to it. For motorists here honking is a way of telling people that they’re there so they can use up all their battery and honk all they want and nobody would mind, except me maybe.

Yesterday I accompanied Varoon to a traditional barber shop, but it being traditional, no women are allowed inside so before he got his thing done he got me into a traditional Hindu parlor where no men are allowed, he spoke to the attendant briefly who knew a little english telling them that I would want a pedicure and a manicure, and that I didn’t speak hindi, it was fine they took me in, asked me to change in their dress robe, which bothered me a little since back home they never usually ask you to disrobe for a manicure and a pedicure. A girl quietly filed my nails using hand signals. I had my feet soaked in a foot spa basin and both my hands in separate basins. I was left alone for probably 10 minutes, which is fine, local parlors back home would usually give these periods of neglect, but then the attendant came she started on my left foot, and then another one came and took my right foot, and then one more came to work on my left hand. Just when I thought this is absolutely the most absurd manicure pedicure event I’ve been on another attendant came to work on my right hand. The nails are groomed but they also give you a virtual bath that includes exfoliating your arms and legs and a hindu massage which is mainly slapping the flesh while you cringe for the pleasure-pain combo all while sitting on a barber’s chair. So yes I was typically cultured meat. The girls were giggling for some time probably because of my reaction to the sort of spa treatment but they were all courteous. It finished and I got out of there making a mental note to specifically ask what will happen if I ever ask to get something else done here like a cellophane or a hot oil treatment maybe.

Streetfood is plenty. I would love to go on a streetfood binge one day here but you must really be careful, The city has water scarcity often so I wouldn’t want to know where other vendors get their supply. One of his cousins forbade us to buy a frozen drink because they’ve found out that  some of the vendors would use recycled ice from morgues. That did it for me. But there’s this one guy varoon has known for years, he was all smiles to see Varoon back, we call him the ‘egg man’. His cart is filled with cartons of eggs, and yes chilli. Not like our typical balut vendor he is simply there to cook any sort of egg meal you can think of, with a little spice of course. I love the boiled egg he makes.

So there’s still more roti, tandoori and chai to be had. By tomorrow we’ll be off to the majesty of Rajasthan for a 10 day stretch  of travel around the region ala Amazing race. Our first trip takes us to the Taj mahal in Agra. I am sooooo excited and yes this is my life for now!Loving it!

Feb. 7, 2008

One week before Valentines’ day. It’s a nice feeling to be able to get out of the house, sit inside a nice coffee shop, turn on my computer and laze around in my flip flops and walking shorts. The only thing bothering me is my heart.
It seems I’m back where I started.
Love always seems to be the hardest decision to make. I mean I know even before I delved into it that it’s a intense concept, but I wasn’t prepared to find out how complex the whole affair of being with someone is. It’s a sneaky thing. You find a guy you think is ok, you like kissing him and stuff, you like having him around, having him hold you close at night, you feel this sense of security around him, it envelops you and before you know it you are hooked, you can’t seem to sleep without feeling him close. You can’t make a decision without consulting his opinion. You can’t move on in life without having him hold your hand. Then BOOM you wake up and all his dirty laundry clutters your room, he’s left the toilet seat open again, all the bills are due, he’s failed to call you for the past five hours, and what’s worst his past affairs haunts your peace of mind every minute of the day. You are in such deep shit that you tend to ask whether it’s all worth it. Is it?
You want to believe that it is, you so want to hold on to that faith. The preconceived notion that Love can look beyond anything and magically make things better than before. But how? How do you look forward to more of the anxiety whenever he doesn’t contact you just when he said he will? Look forward to each disappointment after another? How do you ignore that physical pain you feel in your heart after each argument, each misunderstanding, that searing suspicion that maybe he just doesn’t care enough to consider how you feel… that you are just not his priority and will forsake you every freaking chance he gets, and it will remain like that forever.
And you think to yourself, ‘what do I do now?’ Do you need space or do you hold on tighter with the hopes that he’ll change, even if you know that they never do. Do you move on or do you linger and waste time on someone who’s so keen on doing the same. Do you tolerate his indecisions or make a decision on your own, something that doesn’t involve him. Something that will fulfill you without compromising your heart in the process. Why do these men never learn? Or maybe they do, it just takes them such a long time to get it, to realize the same concept you understood since yesterday, and it happens when it’s all too late

For now I give in to indecision, as a woman I believe I have a right to be undecided. To linger on it. See what else will happen. But even being here is a tough state to be in. We will see.

So paano nga ba? I feel like ito yung moment na nagtanungan kami ng mga bakla ng top five moments of the past year nung huling bakasyon ko.  So ok, Mag-isa uli ako sa barko, masalimuot, nag-umpisa naman talaga akong mag-isa sa kontrata na to yun ay nung nasa Holiday ako, ang pinaka-bulok na barko sa Carnival fleet, tapos parang panaginip na-approve ang transfer ko sa Fantasy (my very first ship) kung saan managerial na ang jowa ko. So ang dali ng buhay di ba? Feeling working first lady ang drama ko,  syempre wala namang isyu trabaho pa rin kung trabaho sanay naman ako sa hardwork achuchu at professionalism achuchu kahit nung mga struggling days sa Pinas, yun nga lang mas masaya na at the end of the day may magbibigay ng hug sa yo, may magsasabi na ‘It’s ok’ kung bad trip ka at ipapaalala sa yo on a daily basis yung human part mo na hindi lang tungkol sa trabaho at pagkita ng pera ang buhay. Na pwede ring emotional at spiritual journey ang life na ang main point ay ang growth mo as a person… Ang saya di ba? Kaya lang just about 15 days ago nilipat si Varoon sa Spirit para pumalit sa manager dun, I was hoping na as soon as possible ay makasunod ako at ang as soon as possible na yun ay mangyari before christmas. At ngayong araw na to after how many days of unrest ko lang na-confirm na hindi mangyayari yun, na dito ako magki-christmas ng mag-isa… ang panget… at higit sa lahat ang lungkot… Ang lungkot na hindi ko makakasama ang pamilya ko for the 3rd time sa pasko, na hindi ako makakasama sa christmas dinner ng mga bakla na naging annual event na, at hindi rin ako makaka-attend ng high school reunion ko after 10 years ng pakikisabak sa  hamon ng life, at ang lungkot na ang kaisa-isang tao na malapit sa kin na may slight chance akong makasama sa pasko at pinaglaban ko mtalagang makasama ay hindi ko rin pala makakasama, so All by myself ang drama ko. Para akong nagpapalutang-lutang sa gitna ng dagat… Sinabi ko nga kay ayrin noon pagsinundan mo ang utak mo baka dalhin ka nun sa Makati pero pagsinundan mo ang heart mo walang limitasyon kung san ka pwedeng hatakin, meron palang catch yun, mas madaling lusutan ang pagka-stranded sa makati kaysa sa malayong lugar gaya ng States–sa city mismo! At kailangan mong magsalita ng english lagi para lang may makaintindi sa yo… ano bah! ang lungkot! Napaka-existensial ng mga tao dito, sandali na lang naman daw uuwi na ko kaya wag ko na raw isipin yun at magpakasaya na lang ako which is true,  pauwi naman na talaga ako which makes the matter of transferring even more complicated. hay nakoh! Di ba ako pwedeng magpakatao at magpakamiserable sa sarili kong tragedy? Pwede bang magpaka-depress din ako kahit sandali lang. Naalala ko uli kung paano magpaka-depress kahapon habang umuulan sa New Orleans, sabi nga nung isang actor dati pagnagutom ka sa Maynila or sa London pag pinikit mo ang mata mo pareho lang rin daw yun… but no again! kasi London pa rin yun di ba? So ngayon naman pag-inabutan ka pala ng ulan sa New Orleans parang pareho pag pinikit mo ang mata mo pero New Orleans pa rin yun pag dumilat ka—may fog, at nakakatakot talagang fog kasi katabi mo lang ang Mississipi river at parang any monument may lalabas na halimaw sa ilog so ang ending hindi ka lang na-depress na-major borkot ka pa! So yun lang. Anyway may mga patches of sunlight  pa rin naman, the sun always shines behind the clouds. May mga libreng songs pa rin sa internet, may mga murang sine pa rin sa Mexico, libreng pagkain sa staff mess, at murang kape sa barko, may paraan pa ring ihatid sa yo ng mahal mo kung gaano ka nila kamahal. Kaya sana it makes a difference. Love ko kayo guyz!!! kayong mga bakla kayo! na namimiss ko, love ko ang pamilya ko, na pinagsha-shopping ko dito kahit ang mura na lang ng lintek na dollar na to. At oo mahal ko pa rin ang sarili ko, sabi ko nga kahit kung saan-saan ko nang lupalop dinala ang sarili ko at kung anu-anong kalukahan na ang ginawa ko masaya pa rin ng life.